A Funny Tale

 This is the story of how I was compared to a shot gun and how my parents and my husband makes fun of me to this day about it. Yes I know you might have reread that sentence, this is the story of how I was compared to a shot gun. Let me explain, before my husband or my mom try to tell you. You can thank my husband for reminding me of this tale, which I will also explain later.

You see back when I was bright eyed in college I started taking dating seriously about my Junior year and I have nothing to hide, I started online dating. That is exactly how I met Hubby, and yes we have looked into telling E Harmony about us and getting us on a commercial, just waiting for my agent to negotiate (just kidding). Well right before I met Hubby I met a man we shall call Joe. It was nothing serious, according to my grandfather, "a girl should do what she does best, shop around". So The first date with Joe went fine, just a chat and a cup of coffee. The second date was alright, I do admit, I was possibly grumpy because we had to have a later dinner due to his schedule. Half way through that date he asked me out for a third. So I agreed, there was nothing wrong, until I realized... he was a control freak. I shared with him my dreams of owning a restaurant and he was already telling me how to run the show! Also telling me I wasn't eating enough (and trust me I can eat, when I am not irritated.). So after I got home I thought to myself, "Just be polite, go on one more date since you are obligated and then that is that. You never have to see him again."

A week later I realized how big  of a mistake that was. First we went to a very nice outdoor mall to find a restaurant and with his picky taste (I should have seen it before) we ended up eating in a small cafe inside a Nordstroms. I am sorry, this is a place you grab a bite with your mom while you are shopping, not for a date! So the food was tiny, not what you call Italian, and Joe could not let a joke go. Finally we escaped, after suggesting we go into Victoria Secret and abandoning me in a Sony store so he could look at Televisions (personal shopping for me when you first start shopping is a big no no). Finally we went to the movie theater and I was thinking (at least I can get him to shut up for two hours), but alas I was wrong. We went to go see a Bruce Willis Movie on opening night (no offense, I like Bruce Willis, but guess whose bright idea that was?) and the tickets were sold out for the show at 8:15. He then PROCEEDED TO BUY TICKETS FOR THE 9:30 SHOWING!!  I was about to scream "NOT ANOTHER HOUR, NOOOOOOOOOO"

But I didn't want to alarm the small children nor look like a maniac while I was trying to devise my escape. So Joe gets then gets this idea to "show me more about himself" and take me next door to Bass Pro Sop. Now before I continue, I do not dislike Bass Pro Shop, I like it depending on what we are getting. I don't hate hunting or the outdoors, it's actually a hobby Hubby and I enjoy very much.

So Joe takes me over there, shows me this boat he is going to buy with his first million (gag), then takes me to the safari room and tells me how everyone wants to take down the lion (double gag), and then he DOES PERSONAL SHOPPING FOR BULLETS FOR HIS GUN. Broke the rule again! And then this is where he peaks and it all goes down hill faster than you know what. He sees this case and I am pretty sure in his eye it was shining like a beacon. It is a glass case that holds all the high end guns. He then finds this one and says, word for word, "Oh my, This gun is beautiful. It's a work of art. It's like looking at the Mona Lisa. You see Stephanie, a gun like this is like a beautiful woman (points at me) you gotta treat her right and take her out every once in a while". I shit you not, that is exactly what he said, it is embedded in my brain for the rest of my life.

So then on out, I did everything I could stay sane. I had a friend I was texting and calling to make sure I wasn't going to be chopped into thirty pieces and spread around San Antonio. She almost came and kidnapped me with her boyfriend because she was afraid of my safety after that comment. But no, I am a lady, I suffered through, kicked his butt at air hockey, refused candy at the movies, and was thanking God that he put the arm rest down between us. After the movie, I politely asked if he could speed a little since my friend was really sick. I texted her all the way home. Finally we pull up to my dorm, I see her and her boyfriend and jumped out of the car in kitten heels before he came to a full stop. Yelled "BYE" and ran like a bat out of hell. Let's just say I never saw or talked to him again. I am sure if he didn't get the message before, he should when I girl runs out of a moving vehicle.

So now why do you ask, Why am I sharing with you this horrid tale? Well you can thank Hubby for that. Well the other day Hubby sent me an email with this picture in it:

 

 Well my mom started this joke of getting me a pink shot gun after and hubby remembered that. So I asked him if he wanted to invest in another gun, since we currently have two hand guns and a rifle. What did my lovely husband say to me:
2:18 PM Chris: I get their emails all the time because they have good rates on ammo and concealed license classes

  but I just saw the pink camo gun and figured you would find it interesting

  after all, it is a very beautiful gun

  and one has to appreciate beautiful guns just like beautiful women

  you're beautiful JUST like that gun...

12:19 PM me: Oh dear lord u are so lucky u put a ring on it

12:20 PM Chris: or put a baby in it?

 me: Lol that to
So even though I got compared to a shot gun and my Hubby likes to remind me from time to time, I secretly thank Joe. If it hadn't been for awful Joe, I would have not have gone on a date with Hubby and I would never have fallen in love. If it wasn't for Joe, I would not be married to the love of my life and 13 weeks with our first child. I have never gotten regrets, frog or not. So Joe, I thank you even though you thought I was as beautiful as a shot gun. Live, Laugh and Love and look forward to a recipe with Quinoa!!!